Yeah, I know. It’s taken me forever to post a blog. This week hasn’t been too busy, but it has been kinda long and drawn out and blah. This last weekend I met some amazing people and i have every intention to keep in touch with them. I left Omaha in such a good mood from the weekend and being able to take off the mask that i have to keep on when i am around other people. Being with others who have similar issues was a huge release because i was able to open up and share my past and my diagnosis with out fear of rejection or stigmatization. being back at work on sunday night, i was in such a good mood, but that unfortunately didn’t last long. But back to the weekend; Saturday we learned how to handle “hot potatoes” in support groups. A topic came up where someone role played a person who was feeling suicidal and another was feeling urges to cut/self harm. Now, it’s not that i am feeling that way, but those role play situations brought back some memories of the past and hit a little too close to home. I know that i can deal with it when and if the situation comes up in a support group in the future, but the self-harm role play hit a little closer to home than the suicide (im over and done with that part of my past and have dealt with it, but the cutting is something that i’m still working on and getting better at). For the last 5 years I have self inflicted harm upon myself. The first 3 years were the worst where i was cutting almost every day to every other day. The 4th year i was able to stop for up to 2 or 3 weeks, and this last year i have managed to go 6 months but relapsed in january and made the most cuts at one time than i ever have. Since then it has been once a month and this last month i haven’t done anything, but the urges are still there. But anyway, i now have an increadable support system of great friends who i can go to if i just want to talk, joke around, or say hi. This weekend was incredible. Meeting new people who were so inspiring and fun to be with. We created such a close knit group, that we scared one of the trainers who had never seen so many people “click” so well and so fast! And god i would not give this last weekend up for anything! I would also do almost anything just to be able to do it again (minus a few details, those who knew, know what im talking about). But seeing as it is late, i must get to bed because i have to work in the morning. I will write more soon. (writing has helped so much with releasing these feelings).
Well the best of luck and serenity to everyone
Glad to see you posting! And I’m glad you had such a good time, too. I hope you’re able to find that blogging is a good way to get some of the emotions and frustrations out in the open instead of keeping them bottled up inside. And I hope you know that I’m always here for you if ever you need me.